Are you a student?

I don't know about you, but I loved school.  I learned new things, did the work of school, and got rewards in the form of good grades.  I enjoyed school and I was good at it.  It worked for me.  I learned how to play the game of school, and I could win that game.  I don't know that it translates to much in the real world, but it mattered a lot to me at the time.  It felt like I was achieving something.  And, being good at something is enjoyable, I won't lie.  Since then, I've worked in a preschool and a Middle School.  Perhaps I'm looking to reinvent the positive feelings I have for school, but I'm here to tell you it doesn't work that way.

When was the last time you let yourself be a student?  I'm not talking about actually enrolling in school again.  I mean when was the last time you put yourself in the position to learn something new, to be a beginner, to return to your Kindergarten self.  As soon as we start at the beginning, the pressure is off.  No one expects us to be experts anymore.  Mistakes and failures are acceptable again, even normal.  I don't know about you, but in adulthood, I feel like I'm supposed to have my crap figured out.  I'm supposed to know what I'm doing and how to do it.  But what if we let ourselves return to learning mode.  Instantly when I try something new, I am humble.  I feel like I can ask for help, ask questions, open myself up to what others can offer me...I can open myself to change without concern for what people will think of me, most of all, myself.  When I humble myself, I actually find that most people are more willing to help me.  They become the Kindergarten teacher, understanding and kind, accepting of my mistakes, and ready to show me where my seat is over and over again. 

When I allow myself to begin, I allow grace back into my life.  I don't expect perfection.  I don't expect competence.  I expect only to try with mistakes and practice a lot.  It's refreshing to put away the bar that is always set so stinking high, especially in our own minds.  There is joy in the attempt when acting as a beginner.  Possibilities abound and there are no limits.  There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Sounds refreshing, doesn't it? 

It's only in our willingness to allow ourselves not to know, that we can grow and learn and be truly present in our own minds.  Why not allow yourself the awkwardness and discomfort of becoming a student?  Even harder, do it with no goal in mind.  Learn for the sake of learning, for the sake of putting yourself out of your comfort zone, for the sake of awakening a childlike curiosity.  Maybe you'll discover you hate it or love it, but it really doesn't matter.  It's the process of discovering that creates wonder and excitement. 

Sometimes the best place to start is right at the beginning!

In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind, there are few.

 —Shunryu Suzuki

Taking time to Marinate

Do you ever take the time to let yourself marinate like a good piece of meat, or age like a great wine?
Our culture puts such an emphasis on multi-tasking, thinking on our feet, handling stressful situations, doing things in the shortest possible amount of time, being efficient, but do you ever take a break from that pace?  Do you ever take the time to be still, to rest, to really think?  I know you are probably thinking that you don't have time for that, right? 

I've started doing a cleanse day once a week.  The weight loss and release of toxins is fantastic, but the thing I like the most about it is that it gives me an excuse to slow down.  If I'm not eating than my reward is that I don't expect as much efficiency and productivity from myself.  I give myself the gift of time.  How can we expect to heal and recover when our bodies are constantly in a fight or flight state of being?  My cleanse day is my chance to give my body some pampering....maybe yoga, or a nice slow walk, or a nap, or just sitting outside, or a bubble bath.  Whatever allows you to relax and rest, is probably exactly what your body needs.

The other great thing is that it gives my brain a rest too.  Multi-tasking is all well and good, but for Pete's sake, know when to stop!  You can't contemplate or really think something through on a deeper level when your brain is composing a grocery list, scripting your next phone call, brainstorming ideas for a presentation, etc, etc.  The stillness of your body allows your mind to be still as well.  I don't know about you, but I can't think about 20 different things when I'm napping.  And, in yoga I'm so busy trying to breathe and not fall down, that there isn't a lot of space for mental distractions. 

The thing that has really amazed me about this process, is that when I actually allow myself the time to rest my body and my mind, I feel better.  Yes, I'm more rested.  And, yes, I have more clarity.  But I feel like I'm nourishing my soul a bit too.  I'm not trying to get metaphysical on you, but the part of you that isn't your body or your mind, the part of you that guides you or is supposed to guide you needs a little TLC too.  How can we find peace, joy, fulfillment, or anything else really important, when we don't take the time to listen to ourselves.  Your inner voice wants to talk to you, but I promise it won't happen if you mind is cluttered and your body is exhausted and toxic. 

So why not give yourself some time to marinate and stew in your own juices?  I think life tastes a lot better when I do!

On a mission....to do what?

Well, let me begin by saying this is not a religious mission nor a mission trip.  This is a very personal mission,  a mission to become my best self.  I am embracing my journey to become not someone different, but a better version of myself.  I want to be the very best mom and wife that I can be, but I also want to become someone with an impact bigger than my own family.

Now I have to admit that it feels arrogant to expect total strangers to read this blog by an ordinary woman.  So, I'm not really expecting anyone else to read this.  It's actually more of a diary of my journey.  My ideas just flow better through the keyboard than through a pen.  I feel like one of the best ways to free my own mind is to put my thoughts out of my mind.  Everything makes more sense with a little space and time. 

And, so I begin my first post with a question: "what excites you?"  About two months ago, I was asked this question.  I immediately answered "my kids", and then....nothing!  Absolutely nothing came to mind.  I just sat there with absolutely no words.  It's not that I'm a miserable, unhappy person with no interests, but excitement?  I was rendered speechless, which doesn't happen all that often.  Since then, I've thought about the question everyday.  And, I'm working on my answer.  So, now I'll ask the infinite emptiness of the internet....what excites you?